Stop running from yourself, and be proud of your accomplishments. You’re talented, and you do want to show them off. So stop hiding behind that thin frame (BTW- congrats on getting that eating disorder under control- that took major strength.) and scream to the world that you’re proud of something you do.
I know you feast on praise. You probably always will. Or at least, you still will at 32. Acknowledge it, and move on. Don’t keep thinking about what they meant by each and every word you wrote, or the musicality of the piece.
It’s okay to like her “that way.” Oh, girl. I promise. Nothing, I mean nothing is wrong with you. In fact, she likes you that way too. You’ll find that out in about ten years.
Stop trying to be anyone else. It doesn’t work that way. You stink at calculus, so don’t take the class, even if it looks good to some college admissions officer. You’ll just frustrate yourself too much, and cry.
Speaking of crying, I don’t remember being able to do so at your age. That’s a problem. You’re not happy-go-lucky, and that mask that you wear is really impressive. One thing though, it’s gonna break. To shatter. And when it does, in a few years, you’ll be left holding the bag without any protection at all. So start to take it off now.
Spend more time with your dog. She’s going to be your mom’s in a year or so. And when you go off to college, you’ll think you’re too cool, or be annoyed. I miss her, J, So pet her for me, and tell her that you love her.
Remember, it’s okay to cry. I’m doing so right now, wishing I could have changed things around. It’s not easy kid, and your health is gonna take center stage. You’re going to spend thousands of dollars on medications.
You’re going to travel far and wide, and meet a person who sweeps you off your feet. But I won’t tell you who, or when, or even what gender. Just fall in love, and come out when you’re ready.
And stop running from yourself. You’ll never get far enough away, oh dysthymic self.
I love you, and make me proud,
Jamie, aka ncrainbowgrrl